The Poo Problem

My little girl crawls to me, arms up high... She’s smilimg cutely, I'm wonder why!! I lift her up, just a little bit. And realise her nappy is full of shit. The stench is chuffing awful, it brings tears to my eyes, I undress her and see it dripping down her thighs, What do you eat that does this to your bowel... I never thought one so cute could make something so foul. I gag a little bit as I lay her on the floor, Quickly dash off to open the front door, Let in the breeze, to relieve the smell of poo. I can’t wait till she’s old enough to independently use the loo!

I open the soggy nappy and I think why me!! Although at least with the girl I don’t have to dodge the pee!! That was the problem with the boy he was silly, He had what I used to call an ‘unpredictable willy’. He’d spray his pee all round the room, not looking where he’d aim, Every time you take off his nappy, it’s like it was a game!! But I quickly learnt the trick, hold his winky due south, But I only figured this after he successfully shot my mouth!!! My girl is not to bad, she can help you clean her bum.... The problem is, she has a twisted idea of fun!! When one hand has her legs and the other is cleaning her thighs That’s when her mission starts and boy she really tries, You know you are on trouble when she starts her little giggle, Then comes the challenge as the terror starts to wriggle, Now her hands start flying all over the bloody place, She tries to grab her poo and throw it at my face!! Why is it they find it fun to get faeces on their hand, The texture, the smell, I really dont understand. Yes I get the fact that they learn by feel and touch, But the stuff should stay where it is, plastered round her crouch.

I often give in, throw in the wipes and carry her to the bath, All the time she is wriggling and continues her giggly laugh, I carry the child up the stairs thinking I must be barmy, How on earth am I going to clean up this humongous poo narmi?? Where’s her mother when you need her, she’ll know what to do, Since having both the children she’s a pro in all things poo, I like to do my best so I try to play my part, It isn’t my fault that I gag whenever the babies fart!!