Fridays Cheesey Meltdown!!

Friday night is pizza night so today I went shopping, I took the kids along to decide on their topping, It was a complete waste of time with them both in tow, Besides they only ever have cheese and tomato.

From the moment we got into the shop, The terrors kept moaning on none stop, ‘Daddy, can I get a toy today...’ If I submit will you please go away!! 'You can’t always get the things you ask for, I want a rest or a lock for your jaw, But I’m not allowed and neither are you...' ‘But Daddy’ he says, ‘I love you’ Its like he’s spouting off some kind of magic spell And the flicker of his eyes that I know far too well, I say my son, ‘I love you too’, But there’s no way on this earth I’m buying that for you. Now we buy some gold top milk, The babies addicted, it’s like drinking silk, The problem is that it costs too much, But the cheap stuff, my princess just won’t touch!! ‘Daddy’ says the lad ‘can I get a milkshake’.. I roll my eyes,.... (for gods sake), 'Not today, you’ve had to much sugar', I know this cause he’s a hyper little bugger The baby’s crying I wish I bought her dolly, But I’m stuck singing Row Your Boat, the boat is the trolley, Back and forth she rows along the aisle, I do the breast stroke behind and that makes her smile, This gets me some really funny looks, As I swim past over shoppers pretending they are ducks, Singing Row row your boat, pushing the trolley to and fro, Knowing my life has just about hit a new all time low!! 'Cake daddy cake,... pretty please'!! By this time the terrors have got me on my knees... It’s a tag team effect when you’ve got two of the things, The books never mention the headache shopping brings!! 'If you’re good and behave you might get a treat,...' This agreement seems to get him from underneath my feet.. But it doesn’t last long till he tries to get away, He’s only run to the toy aisle to see what shit to get today. He brings along a pile of crap and dumps it in the trolley, He stands there smiling innocently looking really jolly. I tell him to put the tat back to where it was found, And he needs to learn budgeting, today it’s £1!! He looks at me, wide eyed, I can tell he’s ready to barter, He’s only 5 years old, but he thinks he’s much smarter, He goes all cuddly, to my good side he tries to creep. He needs to talk to mum, she’ll tell him that I’m cheap!! He ends up getting a fidget spinner, what the heck is this?? When I were a lad if I were good, I’d just get a kiss!! I feel like I’ve be done, he knows how to do that to me, What makes it worse, my £1 budget turned into chuffing 3!

So we go home, have tea and settle for the night, The wife says 'how was shopping'.... I said 'it’s bloody shite!' 'Did you put them in the trolley and use it like a play pen.??' I said 'No my dear, it seems as though the kids have won again!!'